1. The vaginal orgasm is a sure thing for all women everywhere.
False. If you can get off from penetration, that’s awesome! Your body deserves a gold star, because it can do a pretty cool thing. But plenty of women can’t orgasm from penetration, according to Brown University’s health department (and probably some of your friends, or maybe even you). If direct clitoral stimulation is the only way for you to have an orgasm, that’s perfectly OK.
2. PIV is the end-all, be-all of sex.
While intercourse is great, there are tons of other sexual frontiers to explore. Plus, not everyone has the equipment necessary for penis-in-vagina sex, and that doesn’t mean the sex they enjoy is any less magical.
3. What even is the point of sex without an orgasm?
Orgasms must be the universe’s compensation for dealing with things like rush hour traffic and restaurants that charge a $20 delivery fee even if all you want is an $8 burrito. But there can be so much more to sex than orgasms! Like intimacy, laughter, and the awesomeness of learning what does and doesn’t work for your body.
4. You can’t be an empowered woman and like kinky sex.
Nope, not true. Sexual fantasies run the gamut, and sometimes they’re so exciting precisely because they’re taboo or seem to go against who you are in day-to-day life. As long as you’re not hurting anyone, it’s fine to like what you like. You contain multitudes, right?
MTV via via honeybeys.tumblr.com
5. Sex is over when the other person finishes.
You might have been with people who believed this unfortunate falsehood, or even bought into it yourself. The truth is that both people should end each session satisfied, and what that means can change from day to day. Sometimes maybe all you want is to be close to another person, so you don’t need an orgasm to feel like the sex was a success. Other days, you might have your eye on the orgasm prize, and your partner should be ready and willing to help you get there.
6. Every orgasm needs to be an earth-shattering experience.
Sometimes they are. Other times, they’re weird little blips that feel like an interrupted sneeze.
7. Butts are off limits.
There can be a stigma around exploring someone’s butt, especially if that someone happens to be a dude. Thing is, the anus is packed with nerve endings that might make your and your partners’ brains explode in a good way. That’s not to say you should do some back-door spelunking without your partner’s permission. Enthusiastic consent: it’s a thing!
8. Actually, rumor has it that anal is always insanely painful for women.
If you go very slowly and come prepared with enough lube to theoretically turn the bed into a slip and slide, you might enjoy yourself.
9. If you’re not having as much sex as your friends, just give up. You’ve already lost.
People have different sex drives, especially at different stages their relationships. Also, people lie. Not to say your friends definitely are, but embellishment happens. Just something to keep in mind.
10. Your body needs to be perfect to have lights-on sex.
Insecurity shouldn’t get in the way of pursuing maximum sexual pleasure. It doesn’t matter what “flaws”—aka qualities most people have—you’re dealing with, like cellulite or hairs that sprout in random places. The point of having sex with the lights on is to see each other in all your imperfect, human glory, and revel in the fact that you’re both still turned on as hell.
NBC via mooneyedandglowing.tumblr.com
11. Sex should be exactly how it is in movies.
Nah. Real-life sex can involve startling noises, moves that do nothing for either of you, and other elements that wouldn’t fit into a Hollywood sex scene. And really, it’s fine that it’s not all seamlessly switching positions and shoving innocent items off desks so you can have your way with each other. Someone has to clean that up, you know.
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